Round 9 - Sachsenring

I'll start with a little mention of the last round, Mugello, for which I was in attendance. I have to say it was one of the best experiences I've ever had at a motorcycle event. To say the Italians are crazy is a massive understatement. Next to the Poggio Secco grandstand were I was sat, there was a full blown disco between two camper vans, with Italians off their faces dancing around in their trunks! Nuts! Needless to say VR46 is a god in these parts, if you've never been you simply have to whilst he's still around....

So it's Guten Tag Motorrad Grand Prix, Deutschland! The tight and twisty circuit surrounded by trees and mullets tends to provide good races and this one was no different. Stacey qualified on pole and painfully, Vale a virtual last. I've always liked Sylvan Guintoli !

The race was an exciting one for sure. The battle at the front was as hot as currywurst. Delicate Dani fought his way to the front and went on the take the win. Behind, Stacey and Jorge were battling for second, the latter won with a last bend 'miracle' pass, hardly Jorge. I think this race and the last we have seen Stacey, totally though no fault of his own (again) has chewed his rear tyre up. Notice after the races he always refers to his problems as 'We', when he should be saying 'I' !! I think he has acceptance issues!

The next three to cross the line were having a bit of a dust up. SuperSic has lost his Mojo a tad after what has gone on the past couple of months. He lost out to Dovi and Spies or Dull and Duller as I like to call them.

Another pack of three finished next. It was really good to see Alvaro Bautista showing some pace on the lone Suzuki. He was having a great battle with the Ducati's of Vale and Nicky and managed to come out the victor.

The Tech 3 Yamaha machine of Colin Edwards had a lonely race to round out the top 10. I am starting to fear for his team mate Cal Crutchlow. We all remember what happened to fellow Brit James Toseland. He also had a strong start but then hurt himself pushing on these unforgiving prototype beasts. I just hope Cal doesn't end up dating Katie Melua.

Next up its over the pond to America douche bags!! Look out for Ben Bostrum chasing Tiger Toni around the awesome Laguna Seca. . . .or around the paddock at least!

Round 7 - Assen

We say goodbye to England, travel across the English Channel to The Netherlands and 'The Cathedral' of motorcycling. Firstly I was disappointed to see the A-Style sponsorship had ended, I did love that logo plastered all over Assen.

The Spice Boys, messrs Simoncelli and Lorenzo, continue to have handbags at dawn. This time without doubt ( ™ Steve Plater) the blame lies firmly with Super Sic. Saying that, it was a an unfortunate racing incident. Gorgeous George has a short memory obviously, because I seem to remember he couldn't stay on a MotoGP bike at the start of his career in the top class, much like Super Sic now. Marco will come good in a race, watch this space.

The large incident on the opening lap helped Ben Spies into a healthy lead. He was being hunted down by Stacey but managed to keep a pace and he went on to make Mary the happiest mom in the Red(Mary's lips) and White Factory Yamaha camp. Lets hope he celebrated his maiden MotoGp win, in the words of Colin Edwards, with a 'bang'.

Moaner did indeed finish second with the ever Dull Dovi close behind. Stacey looked almost too happy in park ferme, he was making me feel uncomfortable, I believe it was an act for sure.

In the chewing gum, (@Alex__Briggs) Ducati camp, they have taken the unprecedented step of introducing a brand new bike. Despite what VR46 has said in the past, the GP11 must have been a right dog! He finished a remarkable 4th on the GP11.1. I feel good things coming.

To the rest of the field and it was a day to forget for The Green Energy Team. Caprex, was awesome in his day but I fear for him hurting himself badly, trying to keep up with the young guns. As for his team-mate it was normal service resumed, tarmac eating.

Now all season I have been very mean to 'Tiger Toni' but I'm glad to say he has found some form from somewhere. I also feel the more people talk about him being replaced the faster he rides. So I suggest we all continue to speculate about his future.

Barbera managed to get on TV by getting lapped again, but he still managed to beat a 'big boned' Honda test rider who no-one was interested in seeing.

Next up is the race that everyone has been licking there lips for. A Italian 9 times World Champion, on an Italian bike in Italy. Rossi+Ducati+Mugello = MotoGP Porn....... I will be there and I simply cannot wait.....

Round 6 - Silverstone

I missed the Round 5 Catalunya, and I'm quite glad I did. So I am back to say some funny things about The British MotoGp round. Well I'll admit I'm struggling to find anything funny about it. For starters our sole Brit at the top level added to the collarbone breaking trend sweeping the MotoGp paddock. And secondly VR46 struggled badly to make his Ducati work at Silverstone. I am a tad worried, but like all real Vale fans, we all know he and his team will make it work. On a lighter note, as much as I love him, get rid of that skunk on your head Vale!

Right I'll try and make you giggle now. The race itself had it fair share of spills. At the start I like everyone else thought this was going to be an expensive race for Pramac Ducati. I was utterly shocked that RDP didn't go tarmac surfing. Mind you, it would have been virtually impossible for him to crash at the speed he was circulating. He and Barbera were lapped on the biggest track the MotoGp calender visits. Not great.

It turned out to be an expensive day for the Factory Yamaha outfit. In one lap we lost both of them. We didn't see what happened to Ben but we certainly saw poor Jorge. A nasty highside catapulted him from his seat and we all had to revert to following him on Twitter.

Next down the road was the Super Sic at the mighty fast Abbey. Another possible podium washed away much like his front end.

Ride of the day for me goes to The Titanium Tornado (via @TwitGp)(I had thought of this nickname already but he beat me to it on Twitter, can't take credit for someone else's work, damn it!) I hope I haven't cursed him by saying earlier in the season that he never crashes.

And so finally the top two. Dull Dovi rode well, and as much as it pains me say Stacey is very special. Surely it was a perfect race for Moaner today. Well no, of course not, the poor thing got water inside his visor, bless him.

Question? Has someone abducted Dani? What has Alberto done with him?

I failed to make you giggle didn't I ?? All I can say is I'm truly sorry and promise to try harder next time. (and them lot give me more to work with)

Over and out.

Round 4 - Le Mans

Bonjour Le Mans!! The bickering amongst the top boys has carried on which is great for us. Apparently a couple of them went to the safety commission to whine about Super Sic's riding. Even Tiger Toni went along, I assume to ensure he gets lapped safely.

Stacey or should I say Rocky arrived at Le Mans feeling that the local French fans didn't dislike him enough, so he hatched a cunning 5000 Euros plan. We all witnessed what that was so I think it's probably mission accomplished!

The main event now. No one had anything for Balboa all weekend, Dani stayed with him for 10 laps until he fell into the clutches of the Super Sic. Today he was not so Super in all honesty. I personally don't think he's done anything wrong until today. The move he pulled was ambitious, shall we say and left fragile Dani with a broken right collarbone, there is nothing 'humerus' about that. The punishment however was puzzling, I can't remember anyone being punished in that way, for what was a racing incident, I have a short memory though....

Moving on to the home and ladies favourite RDP. The question for me was could he control his urges to highside and give the partisan crowd something to get Randy about. The short answer was no. The long answer was also no.

It was not a successful for race Tech 3. Both riders where keen to taste good results on the teams home soil. Unfortunately all they tasted was in fact, home soil. . . Cal's first crash on a prototype machine in dry conditions was followed by a rare Colin crash, who remounted to finish 13th.

A battle had emerged at the rear of the field. Tiger Toni managed to beat one legged Alvaro, while Caprex had the same for lunch as the Tech 3 boys, French soil. All I can say about Barbera, Mr Brno and Aoyama is that they finished.

I have to say I am a little disappointed with Ben Spies, as I'm sure he is himself. He has quite possibly the most boring Twitter feed (@BenSpies11) there is, its even worse than mine! Maybe he should update his own timeline, yes, I think that would help. Oh and I expected more from him this season.

Back to the battle at the front. Dull Dovi was putting in a strong performance battling with Jorge. Vale was catching the pussy's and I'm sure he was smiling when he passed the bike that he built. Dovi's Honda took 2nd and Vale went on to claim his first podium on board the Ducati. Super Sic recovered to 5th after his trip through the pitlane.

To sum up, all the handbags at dawn in MotoGp are keeping it all very absorbing, so I say 'Viva la Figa'! WLF

Au revoir!!

Round 3 - Estoril

So as we move on from the drama of Jerez and onto Estoril, wasn't exactly a classic was it? In the days before the main event the Stacey/Vale episode still rumbled on until another war of words started.... This time between the two extremes of the MotoGP hair scale. Gorgeous George had his hair clippers out and threatened to give Marco a crew cut if ever went near him on the track again. Marco responded saying 'Ask the public what they think'?? I assume that's what was said, I only caught the pictures ...

On to the race now and the only lap that was truly eventful was the first. After the first turn Marco and Stacey teamed up to do some synchronized high siding, both where fortunate to stay on. Later in the lap Marco changed partners and was lost the timing, as he and Barbera had huge highsides seconds apart and ended in the gravel.

Messrs Hayden and De Puniet had uneventful races on the Ducati's, and our own Cal Crutchlow fresh from putting everyone off there lunch with stories of arm draining, finished a commendable 8th on track he'd never graced. His team mate Colin also had a is decent race, circulating at pace to 6th.

Valentino picked up a stalker and a thief in the form of Dull Dovi. He stalked him around and round Estoril and then mugged him at the finish line, the cheeky scamp. History repeated itself in a bad way for Vale.

No one welcomed back Alvaro Bautista more than 'Tiger' Toni Elias. He was hopeful that he might not finish this race last and his wishes were granted, in fact he also beat Caprex to the flag.

Onto to the podium positions now. Stacey was upset about losing to front two, through no fault of his own, obviously. It's a race and people should simply not get in his way. A mysterious back problem added to his woes and 3rd was all he could manage. I expected a 'great' battle between to two Spaniards, but it never materialised and we had to settle with one overtake for the win. Ickle Dani looked mighty relieved and tried to force out a smile, with a little coaxing from Alberto.

All in all it was wasn't the best race I've ever seen, nor the worst.

Round 2 - Jerez

Well well well..... Jerez, I don't really know where to start?? Just kidding, of course I do! The fire has well and truly ignited between you know who!. Just when I was getting excited that #VR46 could romp to his first victory on board the Ducati, he lost the front and slid down down the asphalt. Unfortunately Stacey got in the way, and trapped poor Vale under his own bike! It seemed from the outside that if you weren't Spanish or Valentino Rossi, the local marshall's were a little 'casual' shall we say. After the clash at turn one, the locals only had eyes for one rider and quite rightly helped the stricken Vale from under his machine, patted him on the back and sent him on his merry way. At which point Stacey was throwing his toys from his Honda asking for a push, but alas, it was too late, his machine had deceased. He made his feelings quite clear on what he thought. He gave the marshall's a 'fook you' sign and Vale a nice little round of applause. After the race, was where Stacey managed to lose anyone who was a borderline fan. Vale went straight into the HRC garage to apologise to Stacey, at which point he questioned Vale's talent.......silly boy.

Meanwhile there was a race going on, in which a lot of riders where struggling to stay on there mounts. Fresh from undressing on the grid because he was 'too ott' , Marco Simoncelli showed his racing talent by storming to an early lead until.......Toby Moody doomed him. In Toby's own words he would say 'How do I do it'. As tyres disintegrated, more was to follow. After receiving high praise from @MotoGpJules for staying aboard what looked like a bucking bronco, Karel Abraham suffered the same fate as poor Marco. He picked himself up but was now riding without wings or wing.

Things settled down for a couple of laps and it looked like it was going to be a Yamaha 1-2 until No.11, Mr Spies threw it up the road. This had gifted The Texas Tornado what looked like an unlikely podium at the start of the weekend. Colin had fulfilled my wishes. He had a trivial off in practice, which has re-affirmed to me that he is actually trying. Unfortunately a rather unusual technical problem stopped him in his tracks, which in his own words 'Sucks dogs testicles'. Very well put. No.69 Nicky Hayden was lying in wait to take Ducati's first podium this season. It had been so long since he'd been up there he looked a tad disorientated.

Wild boy, but I'm not sure what for, John 'Hopper' Hopkins had a steady ride aboard the one and only Suzuki. Maybe Suzuki's theme tune for the season should be something from Chesney Hawkes? .....No? Twas just a thought. With all this mayhem happening I was thinking how on earth had RDP managed not to get Randy. Well, he did, he fell off. And because he's French he didn't get much help!

Celebrity gossip for the weekend is the fact that Tiger Toni likes to ride a chopper, allegedly. Seems it's not an easy thing to achieve in MotoGp. Too many grid girls?? I not sure how long this will go on until he's asks for what he had last year. And I would probably agree that he would go faster on a chopper.

Have you noticed I haven't mentioned the two Spanairds Gorgeous George (from Suzi Perry, not me) and Dani Pedrosa. Well I did it intentionally. Yes they rode well, but anyone who didn't crash was in for a result. In fact, even if you did crash a decent result was possible!!. If I have missed anyone out, there probably not worth mentioning... Oh Aoyama had a good race!

So its normal service resumed for Stacey, Dani is off for surgery now, so good luck to him, and Marco, please, can you get at least a trim??

Round 1 - Qatar

MotoGp Round 1 Qatar

So, that’s the first Moto GP race done, 17 more to go. What have we learnt?

Let’s start from the top. Stacey is dangerously fast, and he also has the ability to crack a smile. You could tell he was uncomfortable being happy with nothing really to moan about. But he didn’t let us down and had a little whinge.

Jorge made up for Yamaha's mysterious sponsor haemorrhage by splitting the Honda's. He celebrated like he'd won.

Ickle Dani looked physically and mentally battered, he definitely needed a big hug from Alberto or his mum.Dovi, well I don’t have anything amusing to say about him, because well, he’s a bit dull. The same definitely can’t be said about Marco Simoncelli. To this day I don’t know how he gets his helmet on? He did he best to upset the Repsol party but dull Dovi managed to stay ahead.

Next along was the battle between Vale and Mr Bens Pies. Elbowz took his time to get past, it’s all in the head, and if it was any other rider he wouldn’t have made such a ‘meal’ of it. Just hope Mrs Spies didn’t slap his wrists.

Next up was the joker himself The Texas Tornado. No doubt he’s still fast, but I would like to see him crash one in a while, at least if you see someone binning it you know there trying! Harsh I know. . .

Aoyama was next on the No.7, followed by our own Cal Crutchlow making his MotoGp debut. A very cool customer, just an hour before he was having his ass licked by Toby Moody in the Eurosport comms box. If that’s not motivation before the biggest race of your life, I don’t know what is. He managed to hold off Barbera the same way he did Moody, which was a great result…

Propping up the field was the winner of the last Moto 2 race from last season, Mr Abraham. Again he was going very quickly but I feel he may have to wait until Brno for his first MotoGp win.

As for the rest, well it really wasn’t Pramac’s day. Mr De Puniet got a little bit too ‘Randy’ on the first lap again and took out his team mate Loris too. Even Caprex’s elephant man gloves couldn’t prevent injury and his race was over.

The dark cloud over the four days was that of luckless Alvaro. He had a Rossi esk crash, which at other times he would have simply walked away from. Get well soon, Alvaro.

Last but no means least, little Tiger Toni was a bit tame all weekend, not really scaring anyone, apart from his sponsors. At least he treated us to a rather spectacular crash under the lights, which provided his only spark and a glimpse of his sponsors logo’s albeit, upside down!!

So we move on the Jerez. . . . Will Stacey keep smiling? Will Dani be able to keep up? Will Marco get a hair cut?